I TRULY THINK I'M ALLERGIC TO MONDAYS

I got a little nostalgic from the IM session the other night talking about poetry and reading my old crap on poetry.com. I am awake this morning, hot and humid and have several of my books around me.

I always had this stupid curse that all my good rants/nonsense/poetry if you want to call it that came from relationship mumbo jumbo....but after reading through 5 of my books I was very shocked that a lot of them were directed toward Peter...in which I am now beginning to think that isn't his name....

Peter is the boy that I have dreamt about practically my entire life. I have no idea who he is but we are connected in some way. The older I get the stronger the dreams become and they leave me sad and jolted for quite some time after I awaken. The last dream I had of him I had time traveled, we were both aware of it and it was time for me to come back...it was a very gut wrenching moment....I'll share it with you:

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I don’t remember the beginning, how I got to be where I was, all I remember is that I had time traveled-I don’t know what era it was-but imagine the older men in powdered wigs-but the younger ones didn’t wear them-

I was with a lady-similar to my age but I don’t know who she is-she was like my guide of some sort-she was the one pushing for me to leave but I wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye to him. We were both wearing peasant like dresses, but I wasn't a peasant.

we were standing in the corridor of a palace type place but it was the towns hall/court house-we were surrounded by marble, it was very beautiful and bright....there was art all over the walls and speratically placed around the room on isles.

There was a meeting being held...it had something to do with me and him...he was royalty and fighting for me....but I'm not sure what the reasons were.

I was frantically pacing-ignoring her stares insinuating that we must leave.....

the doors opened and floods of people were now all around us-smiling-laughing-

I saw his friend-but I couldn’t find him-I was fighting my way through the people-I kept locking eyes with his friend…everyone was moving in fast motion but he was standing there watching me and noticed the look on my face-I noticed his eyes wander over my shoulder and when I turned around, HE came up to me (Peter) he was smiling-happy to see me-He picked me up and spun me around the room. When he put me down I could still see his friend over his shoulder...he was a heavy distraction but I can't for the life of me know why

he put his arms around me and I tried not to cry....

he was wearing brown pants and a peasant like shirt-it was thin-tucked in-not typically what a person of royalty would wear...

I pushed him away from me-his smile faded when he saw the look on my face-all the while I could see his friend over his shoulder watching us-

his hair was long-loosely curled-tied in a clumsy pony tail that had gotten loose-

he asked me what was wrong-I tried not to cry-fighting the tears-I told him it was time for me to go-his face was horror stricken-his grip tightened around my arms-when he asked when-I choked ‘two hours’-sobbing silently so he wouldn’t see-two hours he silently cried and I just shook my head yes b/c if I had opened my mouth I would have cried-

he pulled me toward him hard-held me tight-caressing my hair-everyone stared-started whispering-he didn’t care-his heart was racing-his breath shallow-all the while he kept repositioning his hands-from my back to my hair-kept touching me-remembering me-

I almost fell-I heard gasps-he caught me-I buried my head into his shoulder-smelled him-took all of him in that I could so I would remember-remember that so if I ever saw him again in MY lifetime, I would know that it was him-I WILL FIND YOU-he whispered in my ear, kissed the inside of my neck....I closed my eyes......

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LOL....that was back in June. I begged for him to stop coming...whoever he is...he changes everytime he visits...but I always know who he is. This one was by far the strongest one though and fucked with my head for nearly a month afterward...it was like mourning a death....that's what it felt like. It's hard to explain.

I've had some people say that he is someone from a past life....then some say that he is an angel or a spirit that is tied to me somehow...but it took well over a decade for me even to see his full face....his face was always blurred...then all I saw was his mouth...lips...teeth...smile....then I saw him...very strange how that happened....then just every once in awhile he pops up, fucks with my head and then leaves.