I had a little bit of a scare last night...I had the worst panic attack ever in my life...at the end of my last blog I had said that my heart was racing 90 to nothing...it was the damn tea that kicked it off...I get done writing...enter into James' world, head for bed...decided to watch The Incredibles but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Around 2am it woke me from a dead sleep...my heart was pounding so hard and so fast....

You know usually when I have panic attacks...I have my certain typical routine on calming myself down...but nothing was working...after taking a xanex and avoiding the desire to throw up and faint around 4am I call my mom...wake her poor soul up...God I felt bad.

My heart was beating 143 beats a minute, I could feel the xanex kicking in but every time I would sit down or lay down, it got worse. So she wanted to take me to the ER because she was afraid because it wasn't letting up...we did the count thing like 3 times and when it finally calmed down to 130 beats a minute, I felt better.

So around 540am I lay down...she's making coffee...it had finally stopped...so I told her that I would try to sleep and if it started again that I would call her. And thank heavens it didn't.

Wow...lol...I get panic attacks once or twice a year if that...I'm usually a pretty calm person...but that scared the shit out of me.

Im a little irritated today...I told myself that when I arrived at Clicks and saw him that I wasn't going to be an ass and ignore him b/c for real, what would be the point in that?? Nothing happened...oh but I did...but it didn't last long...I got over my hangover and I felt more like myself...happy, happy, joy, joy.

You know what I want to know...when did this conversion take place?? All I know is one day all I can think of is he is the sexiest thing I have ever seen, to me being gone for five months, to him losing his girl friend (which I was shocked when I found that out...and felt very bad for him) to me being in the darkest mood possible and just by the mere glance of his face just made my day. Diane used to make fun of me...she would tell me she could always tell he was around before she saw him just by my face...I don't typically do this, fall for people...especially when nothing is there to fall for. I have the utmost respect for him...but I kick myself in the ass b/c it never should have gotten to this point. It blind sided me. He knocked Wicko out of my head and I never thought that would be humanly possible.

Wicko laughed at me yesterday and poked fun at the not so typical Crystal that I was being...he told me to do my thing...stop thinking is what he says...so I have decided to do just that...the switch is turned off...my witty banter is turned back on, I have been fully restored so there is no turning back now.

No more blogs until Thursday. Thursday is the day my results should be in...So until then.