I'll post all of them here...from the begining to the end so whoever reads so far can end with the one written today.....it will be long....but far worth it!!!
This all started with a dream that I had and a fortune cookie....the fortune cookie mentioned key details of my dream and I told Sherry that if I won the lottery that we would buy a town and title it Shnergan Dergan and we would be the rulers of the town....it would be asshole free and those who slipped through our fingers would be punished by being locked up in stocks in the middle of town and the passers by could throw whatever they wish at the pour souls....Sherry and I had been dealing with some major bullshit at that time so whatever it took to take the edge off the situation, I wrote stories to make both of us laugh. We don't hang out that much anymore so Shnergan Dergan has pretty much been dorment for awhile now....so I've decided to open it back up. These few are the begining....and I will begin to write more. I hope that you guys enjoy!!
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CHICA AND FREAKA STRIKE A POSE
One day Chica and Freaka were walking the streets of Shnergan Dergan, them sexy bitches, the wind was blowing threw their luscious hair and the song playing in the wind that day was 'Devil Inside' by NXS...All the boys couldn't resist their beauty and soon followed behind them.
Poor Freaka the two left footed hot momma that she is got all twisted and fell face down eating dirt...the song skipped and the town fell silent. Then Chica fell down on purpose so Freaka wouldn't look like such an ass all by herself. What a friend!!
All the boys were fighting over who would help the two dames in distress when all of a sudden the crowd splits apart and Bruce McCuloch and Dave Foley come sliding toward the ladies....all of a sudden the wind starts singing a different tune..."I wanna sex you up"....
Chica faints ever so gracefully into Bruce's arms and he whisks her away into her humble abode....mean while, Freaka decides to let Lipsy take a break from the bondage chamber and has a nice slice of David pie....while all the boys awwwing out in the street kicking dirt with their feet....maybe they will get their chance next time!!
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THE STORY OF THE FROG
Once upon a time in the land of Sha-na-na-na, a small town just a hop and a skip and a pebble throw away from Shnergan Dergan, there lived a colony of small frogs who so desperately wanted to become human so they could join all the fun and whispered what-nots that happened across the way...
So one day Bessy-May (the youngest and as it is rumored amongst the colony the non slimiest, most gorgeous thing they had seen since sliced bread) powdered herself, making sure that all the glistening was hidden very well so she could find a handsome young thing to kiss and make her human and worthy of Shnergan Dergan.
She made it through the swamp, through the never ending field of stickers and landed in the back yard of a very seemingly small house with a strange statue of David Hasselhoff (it looked as if it were a shrine for all the candles that were melted and some even still burning around him. ) Bessy-May shuddered a little but she wanted to be a part of Shnergan Dergan so bad that she shook it off and made it to the door.
Little did she know that the man dwelling in the house too loved frogs and wanted nothing more than to be one himself. He had been working day and night and night and day to find some kind of potion to transform himself into a frog...so when she made it into the house, he saw her before she saw him and he fell to his knees in awe of the beauty that was before him.
"Alas, I have found her." He started kissing her profusely, and poor poor Bessy-May didn't know what to think...
"Oh Mr. please do you think you could help me, help me become a human, I am in dire needs to be a part of this lovely magical place."
He fell to his knees and cried and cried and cried.
"What is the matter:?" Bessy-Mae asked confused.
He wiped the tears from his eyes. "I have been waiting for so long for such a fine looking specimen as yourself to hop into my life and now that you are finally here you want to be human...but all I have been working on is to make myself like you...." She looked at him in disbelief but he continued "Oh my lovely....what's your name?"
"Bessy-May"
"Oh my lovely Bessy-May do you think that you could learn to love me if I too were a frog? And we could live in my seemingly small house together and worship the highest power ever to walk foot on this earth....David Hasselhoff? (the moment grows silent as a spotlight peers down on the statue and the angels sing from the heavens above) Do you think you could do that my love?"
She looked at this guy as if he were crazy...and the town seemed to question it as well...but she thought ah what the hell...as long as she was here is all that mattered.
"I do my strange young man, I do."
So the two of them went out back to the shrine of the knight rider himself and said their vows, he drank the potion, became this very strange looking frog and they will live happily ever after in the land of Shnergan Dergan…..Or will they??
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SHAKE RATTLE AND SPLAT!!
Something was stirring ever so softly early one morning in the land of Shnergan Dergan. Chica and Freaka were sleeping slumberly in their beds when all of a sudden their beds started to shake. Chica thought it was Bruce trying to wake her for another round of hot sweet love so she ignored it.
Freaka was having a virtual sweet love session with Dave (you see he decided to go back to the states to divorce his wicked wife so he created a virtual image of himself so she wouldn't get sad and lonely and revert back to Johnny...he definitely didn't want that to happen )
Then 15 minutes later the beds jolted and knocked both of the pretty ladies out of bed. Chica jumped up and yelled some profanity at Bruce but he didn't budge...Freaka was like Whoa.....there were secret passageways in the house that connected to a small ritual room where the two girls did their voodoo that they did so well...they both entered into the room, lavish as always, the ground kept having small spats of tremors...getting closer as time went on.
'What could it be?' said Chica looking at Freaka's guilty face. 'What did you do?' Freaka ignored her by changing the subject.
'So how was Bruce last night? Did he get to run through your sprinkler?'
Chica kept getting closer to Freaka. 'What did you do?'
Freaka backed away moving the candles and any other hard and sharp object away from Chica so she couldn't throw it at her. 'I forgot to lock the beast up last night' she said in a mumbling whisper.
Chica's head became distorted as she was trying to hear Freaka... 'You did what?' Chica asked.
'I forgot to lock up the beast!!' Freaka cried once more.
It took about a minute for Chica to process the words when a loud grumble came from the other side of the wall that made the ground shake again...
'Did you feed him?' Chica growled behind closed teeth as she edged her way toward a trembling Freaka. 'DID YOU FEED HIM?!?' she yelled as she shook Freaka.
'NO.' Freaka shrieked as she freed herself from the white knuckled clinging Chica. 'I'm sorry I got distracted.'
'Oh my God Freaka...you know how he gets when he hasn't eaten.....' she stops dead in her tracks and all the color leaves her face. 'Oh my god...Bruce!!!'
(pause in the story for just a small update. Shnergan Dergan has a strict policy of assholes....and the girls have made certain arrangements for those that do slip through....well lets talk about the beast. The beast is a clever witty little thing...who at one time was once Chica's man boy.
He strolled through one day under their radar to slyly stalk on poor Chica and...word got through to the girls what he was all about and Chica knew that he was way to powerful to break down in the torture chamber b/c he would more than likely love it than to feel humiliated by it, so she visited the crazy frog lover in town to help her concoct a special potion to somehow free herself from him.
Frog boy did as he was told, but there was a small bump in the plan that no one seemed to really understand why it went wrong...but instead of making her man boy disappear he turned into this hideous beastly creature....he looked like a gremlin crossed with David Hassehoff....
Frogboy tried to conceal this from Chica by telling her all was well until one day when Chica had an estranged visitor stay with her...they were out in the field making sweet love....when all of a sudden out of no where this creature snatches the estranged visitor from on top of Chica and eats him....yes he eats him.....
To make a long story short....yeah right...Chica and Freaka well below the streets had a dungeon built for the beast until Frogboy came up with the proper cure to destroy him...but Frogboy went and literally turned himself into a frog so she was basically up shit creek.
So it is Freaka's sole responsibility to feed the beast and lock the door so Chica can continue to make sweet love with anyone that she chooses to do so with.....now you should be up to speed.)
Chica and Freaka run through the secret passageway following the grumbling tremors...they are so beautiful that even when they run they make it look graceful....their gowns flowing through the air, their long luscious locks bouncing about them....they reach the kitchen....stopping suddenly not to disturb the beast.
His hairy grotesque back facing them...he looks like he is cooking something....
Freaka whispers 'it smells good...man I'm hungry.'
Chica hits her in the stomach. 'shhh...' then she gasps as she sees Bruce laying on top of the counter with an apple in his mouth. He was naked but he looked as if he was asleep. 'Oh no, we're too late.' She puts her dainty hand to her forehead and collapses against the wall and peeps out small sobs.
Freaka was trying to see what else he was making b/c damn it smelled good...then she saw Bruce open his eyes and wink. 'Chica, he's not dead...look, he's alive!!'
Chica gasps once more in thanking the Shnergan Dergan Gods (David Hasselhoff and his Baywatch posse) But Freaka the clumsy one that she is knocked over a bowl and as it crashed to the ground the beast turns around and growls his busty windy breath toward the girls...their hair flowing back and knocking Chica over, Freaka just about barfs.
'Well we know it's not him that smells good.' She shews her nose....yucka yucka...
while the beast is distracted Bruce jumps up on top of the counter and shouts, 'BRUCIO TO THE RESCUE!!!' he jumps to the ground wearing his nicely made birthday suit, finds the closest apron and throws it over his neck to make a cape.....'can you get me...can you get me...I bet you can't get me...' he playfully taunts at the beast while jumping back and forth....
the beast, Chica and Freaka all cock their head a little to the left and said in unison...'huh?'...cause he looked a little silly...then Freaka and the beast look at Chica like..what the fuck...and Chica blushes...'isn't he the cutest!'....
the beast shakes it off and tries to catch Bruce but only gets stuck in the eye with a carrot stick....then Bruce splashes salt in the other eye and then pepper making the beast sneeze...then he trips over the bowl that Freaka earlier had knocked over....he slid around the kitchen for quite some time until he caught his feet on the floor again...dizzy as he was he walked over to the ledge of the building where Freaka earlier had also forgeten to shut the window...the beast's feet were halfway in and halfway out of the window seal....Bruce walked over to the poorly looking creature and flicked him on the forehead leading the beast into a downward spiral and splat on the ground below.
Which it was only a two story fall but he fell in such a way that his body just dissipated into thin air....Chica ran ever so gracefully into the arms of Bruce kissing him all over and praising him. While they were making sweet love that night they sang a little ditty: 'ding dong the beast is dead...the mean ole beast...the wicked beast...ding dong the wicked beast is dead!!!!'
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COMING OUTOne beautiful day in the land of Shnergan Dergan a beautiful feast was being prepared to celebrate a monumental occasion for the town going 3 months asshole free...or so that is what poor dear ole Lipsy believed.
The girls, you know the ones, the beautiful, amazing, most talented Chica and Freaka had been preparing this fiasco for quite some time now. Grant you the celebration was for the town but they had also decided to announce the town's most respectable resident, Lipsy. He had survived the bonding chamber, the girls cravings of watching him strut his stuff in assless black leather chaps *sighs* and also punished the previous assholes by whipping them as they were tied up by chains (in which he secretly enjoyed)
Chica and Freaks noticed one hot steamy day that Lipsy worked Overtime on his own time to whip one of the poor boys-yes they had always had their suspicions on sweet Lipsy-but he strutted his girlfriend around every where he went but the girls knew it was only a facade!!
Now, the first day would be the celebration for the town-they would announce the news about Lipsy and the following day would be a parade in his honor. Let me take you to that very special day:
Chica and Freaka are both down in their top secret cellar preparing a life size cake for Lipsy's surprise to jump out of after the parade.
"oh my god I'm so excited!!" Boasts Freaka as she dips her finger into the icing.
Chica slaps at Freaka's hand. "Don't eat the icing!!"
"Whhhhyyyy." Freaka whines.
"Do I have to remind you of everything?"
Freaka looks at her confused.
"Remember he is in deep denial Freaka! I have concocted a coming out potion just in case he needs more of a push."
"You don't think that Val Kilmer dressed as Ice Man from Top Gun won't throw him over the edge?"
"I would think so, but we have to make sure we have everything covered just in case..." She stares at Freaka making sure she fully understands.
"What are we going to do about his girlfriend?"
"Oh we have her taken care of. I have some of my beast juice left over from the one who we don't mention, as long as you don't mess up and forget to feed her then everything will be fine."
Freaka loses train of thought and breaks out in dance as Erasure is playing upstairs-Chica says fuck it and they both dance-WOOHOO-
The girls venture upstairs ghastly tired from dancing-they decide to make sure everything was in place for the feast. They have their man servants assemble the long table in the street that goes through the center of town-the food and wine were laid out perfectly and it was getting close to time.
Chica and Freaka get dressed-it doesn't take much for these two voluptuous women to be beautiful-they always seem to make the towns people gasp every time they make an appearance.
The girls had their own table it was on the bottom balcony of the tower overlooking the town-everyone was seated.
Chica nudges at Freaka letting her know that it is time for Lipsy's announcement. Freaka stands up with her glass goblet and hit it three times with her fork to get their attention. The glass breaks-Chica rolls her eyes-and three man servants all at the same time offer her a new glass-she turns around losing her train of thought yet again and starts to flirt with the boys-Chica takes over.
"I am sure you all know why you are here. Shnergan Dergan has been successfully asshole free for 3 months now..."Crowd applauds. "Everyone has made us proud-very proud!! But there is one particular person that Freaka and I feel..." Freaka laughs cooingly at one of the boys, Chica whisperingly snaps at Freaka..."Freaks-stop-FREAKA" Freaka turns around and mouths her apology. "Okay we feel that this person went above and beyond his actual daily rituals and punishings w/o us having to ask. So with great appreciation would everyone please stand to honor our very own sweet dear Lipsy!" as the crowd stand up and applauds Chica whispers to Freaka, "Showtime."
Freaka addresses the crowd. "And another thing, we will be having a parade tomorrow in his honor. Congratulations Lipsy!" they sit down and continue to eat.
"Really Freaka- where is your head?" Chica hisses through her perfect smile.
"I'm sorry-Dave has been out of town and the virtual machine is broken." Freaka responds almost in tears.
"it's broken...what....how...I'll have to fix this problem…..man servant!! Get Dave on the phone pronto!!” She looks back at Freaka. “I need you 100% tomorrow."
"I promise- I've been waiting for him to come out-I won't slip again!"
After everyone was done eating, Chica decides to take care of Lipsy's girlfriend herself b/c Freaka has gone a little loco b/c of lack of Dave. But to her surprise, Freaka had snuck the potion into her drink-all Chica had to do was lock her up in the dungeon.
That night they put the final touches on the life size cake and made a personal size one for Lipsy. A package had arrived earlier that day that was labeled -top secret- they opened the box and found Val Kilmer as ice man wearing nothing but a leather speedo, studded dog collar and his top gun glasses-he was still asleep from the sedatives given to him for the shipment. The girls sat in front of the massive glass box and ate pop-corn as they heavily fantasized about the man before them-before they knew it morning had sprung.
They had it all down-even to the very last speckal of glitter on the assless clothed dancers-tiara, check-feather boas, check-lip plumping lip gloss, check=they were so happy!!
The parade began, Lipsy is wearing the outfit proudly that the girls had made him (a tight shimmering blue body suit that accented his nicely cut body)
They ate the cake on the float-of course Chica and Freaka don't eat the same cake as Lipsy-but boy did he love that cake!!
The very smart girls had there man servants scattered throughout the townspeople chanting 'come out Lipsy" next thing you know everyone in the town started yelling the same thing.
Lipsy was waving at everyone like a proud beauty queen.
The girls were beside themselves-at the end of the parade was the life size cake that held sweet Val-on either side were Vanna White drag queens-
Val leaps from the cake-fire works go off-and everything goes silent.
Lipsy stands up-his face frozen, the girls about to panic-when Lipsy gasps "oh my god he is amazing!!" He leaps off the float into Val's arms-the town cheers-Chica and Freaka cry-Val and Lipsy immediately go into the bondage chamber and Lipsy for once get to be on the other end of the whip.
The girls smile proudly. "Our work is done."
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That's it for now...below is the most recent.
My eyes are screaming oh holy fuck!!!
I notice Bruce watching us...haha... Sherry and Bruce start eyeballing eachother from across the room. She smiles, he smiles, then she pulls a Fonzy....LOL....Dave was eating cheese off the table and Bruce walks back over and now this is where it gets good...LOL
Shnergan Dergan Baby!!! YEAH!!
I'm not sure what happened to my face in this picture...lol...we were both being silly, he just looks better at doing it....but yeah...there's my long lost brother!!
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