MY HEART IS BROKEN :(

I say some things are better left unsaid and the last episode which arrived today is a prime example of that saying. I cried like a little school girl. I first got all teary eyed when Brian said goodbye to his son because he started to choke. Then when Brian and Justin had their last moment...oh my god....the projector screen showing them before...and at the end....I lost it. I couldn't stop. Then it ends at Babylon where it all began...and I was waiting...just waiting...for a possible slip of Justin joining Brian for a last dance on the platform....but no. Tears, Tears and more Tears...goodness!!!!

I can always relive the glory years because I have four of the seasons...but I will always know how it ends...damn it!!! LOL. I think I am the only one on this planet that has enjoyed all of the seasons...yes the first season was the best, but I loved all of them...except for the end of the fourth season.

I don't like the fact that Teddy ended up with Blake b/c I never cared much for him...he will always be that tweaked out twinky. I was really hoping that he would latch onto Emmett again. I always thought Ted as a pervy dirty guy so I know that Emmett deserves better.

I have a feeling that I'll be rewatching soon.

But right now I'm wallowing!!!

RESULTS ARE IN!!!!

Jaslene is talking to the girls on ANTM and I want to slap the ugly out of her!!!

Just got back from the good doctor and the myleogram results showed that two of my discs are compressed against my nerves but they can't tell how bad...SOOOOOO...I have to have a discogram done now.


Not sure when that is going to take place...just hopefully way before Mardi Gras so I can go!!! ooops...sorry uree!!! I won't say it again.

my damn space bar keeps sticking and it's pissing me off!!

Oh and can someone tell what to do to get rid of a headache that I've had now since Monday and it keeps getting worse....even after I take my powerful drugs????

FOR MY AMY DEAR

Amy passed away yesterday. By the time I got to the falls her mother told me that she was brain dead and she wanted to wait for me to get there before they turned the machines off. I got a chance to say goodbye to her which is something that I will be forever greatfull.











I was blessed to have been able to spend 21 years of my life knowing her. I am a better person because of her. She was my inspiration, my rock, my everything.

I will miss you my sweet Amy!!!

THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS NEEDED

I get a phonecall this morning around 7 from Amy's mom telling me she is in the hospital under a coma. She's been sick for almost a year, she caught some type of infection from a surgery that was performed on her in January. They removed her hardware around Thanksgiving and they still couldn't find anything. She went into cardiac arrest last night and is now in a coma. Her mother told me that all she knows is that her entire body is being attacked and the doctors don't know from what. If you pray, please pray for her, if you don't please keep her in your thoughts.

I've known her since I was 10 and I don't know what I would do if anything were to happen to her. She has two boys as well, a single parent at that. I'm about to head to the falls to be there for her and her family. As a simple request please do this for me. I will update when I come home. xoxo

FILLER SHOWS

I'm telling you it pisses me off when they put in these filler shows b/c they always seem to yank them from under me...Last year it was The Class and This year it's The Big Bang Theory.

I don't know if anyone watches this show...but I have this HUGE crush on Sheldon...his real name is Jim Parsons...and I have no idea why..haha..Anyway, if you don't watch it, he is the tall skinny guy. Two clips:



AND



The Class never came back on. I had a huge crush on the red headed boy as well.

The Class:



I'm not sure if the writers are still on strike but the last two weeks nothing but re-runs. But I just know that they too will yank The Big Bang Theory...I think in my old age I have become attracted to the nerdy type...haha...crimey!!

THE WATCHER

So I just got done watching The Watcher and the first time that I watched this movie it knocked me back into the fear of living alone. (I think I'm the only living person who finds Keanu remotely sexy) I've been living on my own since I was 19 or 20...excusing the year that I lived with Neil b/c that was erased from my memory...but the way Keanu's character stalks his victims just scared me to the core...I started checking the closets again, under my bed, behind the shower curtain...anywhere I could possibly check. It's been about 5 or 6 years since I had seen it and watched it again today...and thought how retarded is this movie!!! I mean yeah it's possible that it could happen considering all the deranged assholes in this world, but seriously...when the cops catch a killer like they do in the movies, why don't they do it in a much more discreet manner? I mean seriously...this guy turns his cell phone off so he can be tracked...next thing you know the helicopters are swarming the building with the lights brighter than the sun...guys running around breaking down walls...I just don't get it. They need to be a little more nonchalant in my opinion.

Then I started thinking about actual serial killers in our time. None that I can really recall remembering hearing on the news or reading in the papers. It's like the movies glamorize it....but of course....how else would they make their money? I just wish that one of these days they will make a movie that is more truth in nature when it comes to the topic...really scare the shit out of people because it IS real...especially to the women who fall for those dumb assholes who eventually tie you up and leave you in the basement. Am I making any sense here? Or have I really just cocooned myself into over analyzing things that don't need to be? I don't know...haha...maybe I need to find a job that oversees peoples thoughts and ideas when it comes to writing such nonsense for the movies.

I could write a book about a serial killer...but I never have because I am afraid that if I do then I feel I would be just as deranged as the ones that have actually existed, if that makes any sense what so ever. I think I need to lay off of the codeine!!

SO SO VERY SAD!!!

Well it is for me anyway...Tori plays this weekend and I am forced to miss it...blah...so I am posting some videos.

Tori Amos - Icicle (Live)

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I know some people thinks she is depressing...but I always feel better after listening to her...I don't know...there is just something about her voice that calms me. And trust me, not all of her songs are slow...just posting my favorites.

Tori Amos - Cooling (live)

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OKAY...HAHA...I'M DONE.

I'LL BE A SON OF A BITCH!!!

I knew that they were making Sweeney Todd into a movie, but I thought they would do like they always do when they make musicals into movies...they cut all the singing...well not this time. Johnny is actually singing...where the hell have I been? I use to know every step that he took...I used to follow his life to the very second...that is until James came into my life...I can't wait for this movie to come out. I'm posting the trailer...but if you are interested, there is a youtube video with him singing Joana.

THIS ONE IS FOR UREE...

All this talk about crotches has gotten me all hot and bothered...LOL...I'm awake now after having an extremely morbid dream with me only asleep for 2 1/2 hours...I was trying to find that scene from Before Night Falls with Johnny spread eagle touching one of his finest body parts and I found something better...hmmmm...I loved this movie and I still say that he looks damn good in drag even if he does look like a two bit whore!!!



If you haven't seen this movie, RENT IT or BUY IT....it will definitely be worth your money!!!

OLD SCHOOL DAYS

All I have to say is that I was innocent back in the day and sincere when I thought that I looked HOT in these glasses....but seriously, somebody should have told me otherwise!!!!



And another one.....




So my sweet dear Amy posted some pictures up on her myspace of us and some of our friends from the summer of 93....my god it brings back some great memories!!!

Chris (left) and Brandon (right)



Brandon was the first boy that I loved...god I miss him. Well, I miss the guy back in 93...don't really know who he is now but he will always be that Brandon to me!!!

Me and Amy...I love this girl!!! I've known her since I was in grade school. She will always be my girl!!!

CRAZY DREAMS!!!

I have always battled with strange sleeping patterns, especially when I don't work on a day to day basis...and my dreams alone have always been a crazy part of my life. Now, this one isn't the strangest one that I have ever had, but it did postpone me from going back to bed...hence the reason why I am awake at 348am drinking coffee....yikes!!!

Okay...so I went to bed pretty early, fell asleep on my back, which in my current state is a NO NO....I woke up at one point and and my eyes glanced on the tellie...there were dead people sitting on a couch...sort of like a picture slide show...it jolted me a bit...it scared the shit out of me, by the time my eyes actually opened I noticed that it was the end of Everybody Loves Raymond b/c the credits were playing...I quickly changed the channel and went back to sleep...I am for sure that I was dreaming...but it still freaked me out a bit

Okay...I always enjoy it when I have dreams about Johnny or Marilyn b/c they rarely happen and when they do, I fucking love it...but last night I was in my own little warped interpretation of Queer As Folk...

Hal Sparks and I were roommates...and yes I had my solid hook in Gale Harold.....Gale was in the bed room, I had gotten up to get something to drink and ran into Hal going to the bathroom. He was throwing the idea around on going to get something to eat. We had all gone out to the club that night and he was hungry. So, we were standing in the hallway and he starts to interrogate me about how things were going between me and Gale. And you guys that watch the show, you know that look that Hal always gets on his face...even when he is angry...his eyes get all squinty and he tends to look like a 3 year old sitting on santa's lap....so anyway....I was trying to explain to him that dating Gale wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Because he is Brian fucking Kenny and people expect him to be with Justin, He didn't seem to understand b/c that was a character, but in my dream it really wasn't. He was Brian Kenny.

I was telling him that we had to act like strangers out in public so we wouldn't be hissed at...that the only time we could be out in our relationship was either at the club or at home. Hal still didn't understand...so I had to spell it out....I was woman, not a gay man...and in their social circle...that was a huge no no...then Gale comes out of the bedroom with, of course, nothing on...*sighs*...Hal is trying to avoid the southern regions of his body...he puts his arm around me, kisses me and states that he is fucking hungry.

So we go to IHOP...there are only two tables that were preoccupied, which was a huge relief on me b/c I was tired of people yelling at me...b/c he was no longer with Justin....So, the three of us sit at a table and Gale is reading the menu...I can't seem to think about food b/c he is just so damn gorgeous. All of a sudden this woman sits at our table and starts to talk to me. She begins to boast about how she is such a huge fan of the show and she couldn't believe that she was in the same room with Gale and Hal. Hal of course was appreciative but Gale (Brian) really didn't give a rat's ass...he ignored her....every once in awhile I noticed him glance over his menu to give her a piss off look....the waitress comes to get our order and to bring us coffee. The lady gets up and moves in between me and Gale....out of no where she turns into this crazy psychotic bitch...she starts threatening me....saying how dare I come between him and Justin. Hal kept telling Gale to do something...but he didn't...it got to the point where she started to pull my hair and when she went for the knife, Gale nonchalantly puts the menu down, and pins her head on the table with a chair...demanding (in a calm way) that she needed to chill the fuck out...that Justin was gone and I was there to stay, if she had a problem with that than she needed to 'go the fuck home'. I was shocked, as well as Hal, because he admitted in public that we were together, despite what everyone else thought.....

Then I woke up b/c my toes were numb........................hahahahha.

I know it's pretty stupid, not one of my best dreams...I haven't even watched QAF in over two weeks...so not sure where it even came from...I hope it was a clear description. It doesn't matter, I just wanted to write it down before I forgot about it.

I DIDN'T CRY!!

I've been talking about this for quite some time now....me cutting my hair....well, I finally did it yesterday. I am donating my cut off ponytail to locks of love . I've been wanting to go short for some time now, but this gave me my initial push. I will never go long again. That mangy shit was getting on my nerves, it was damn near down to my ass. I hadn't completely decided on dying it until it was cut and I saw the silver hair that was on my head. Now, I knew that I had a crap load of gray hair...duh...but I had NO idea that it was THAT silver. So yeah, it was pretty, but not for a 31 year old. So anyway, here is a pic that I took of myself this morning as I rolled out of the bed. Not flattering, I know...but you guys know how lovely I am....hahahaha....enjoy!!!

NEVER DOUBT AN OLD CAT!!!

So, earlier today I was looking for my heating pad and started to dig through my closet where I keep all my empty boxes...later on, after I found it I got all snugly in my chair and noticed that Sadey was standing in a shoe box which is, less face it, way too small for her old ass to fit in...




So she sits there for quite a while then she turns around just a bit, trying to figure out how she can manage to get comfortable....




You will have to forgive my camera b/c it is a piece of shit...so the focus is off and she may be a little blurry...but yes that is my big ole cat stuffed sleeping in the little shoe box...



And then I wake her up, you can tell by the flash in her eyes...





I laughed my ass off b/c I didn't think she could pull this one off!!! Forgive my messy apartment!!!

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!!

Will somebody please slap the shit out of me? Pinch me...kick me...hit me with a baseball bat because I have GOT to be dreaming!!! Two hours ago...yes around 7:30 pm today I finished my book...no, that wasn't a typo...seriously, you read it right...I finished the book!!

It only took me, what...10 years give or take to finish it...Who would have thought that my first lap top was going to crash and burn and take the only copy I had at the time with it...I sure as hell didn't...and I also wasn't a very smart person either I might add to have not had a back up copy...seriously!!! (come on shelly....I need that short bus!!)

So I started to re-write it back in 2001, that is when I offically started the one that I finished today. And if it seriously weren't for James...I would probably still be stuck somewhere hiding in denial, holding my blankie and sucking my thumb refusing to let go of my characters....'kill your darlings'....that has forever changed my life!!!! I can only imagine that his name will be on my dedication page...that is...*sighs* where the hard part actually steps into play...getting it published that is....I have NO CLUE where to begin with that step!!

It took me forever to finish the last paragraph. My breath was barely escaping me and yes, I cried...call me a dumb ass now...but I have done nothing but eat, shit and breathe these people for so long...it was hard. But I did it!!!

So for my victory I am letting myself finish the third disc of QAF and ordering season 4 thereafter. I will more than likely regret it...but oh well.

So YAY!!! I'm happy...dear lord am I happy!!!!

HAS ANYONE SEEN THIS?

Seriously James....the hair...come on!!!! hahahhaa

GOTTA LOVE CATS!!

This is so Sadey!!! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and she is at my head just staring at me...usually needing water....scares the shit out of me too!!! Thank heavens I don't have a baseball bat...enjoy!!!

The torture is over!!!

Poor Alexiss!!! I think I tortured her a lot tonight while surfing through youtube and bombarding her with Tori Amos videos...ha...but I found the one that I was looking for so for now, while she is doing her laundry, I will try and be nice from here on out. This isn't my favorite song from her...but I love the video!!!

MY VISUAL DNA

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Putting Holes In Happiness

The Tuesday has arrived!!!

So, I have been waiting for this day since I heard that Bruce McCulloch
was producing his very own show for ABC: Carpoolers

This is going to be funny...I hope that the show gets a lot of viewers...b/c the one thing that I can't stand is when new shows come on and they never come back. So pleeeeease watch it!!! And let me know what you think. Oh and if you don't know who Bruce is...he is one of the kids in the hall.

GRIZZLY BEAR

I am free to write!!

I finally got my internet at home!!! This is such a relief. I feel like I have a hangover this morning and I didn't even drink last night. I stayed up until 430 this morning crashing the web.

The main reason why I wanted to start this blog is because I am limited on the things that I can blog on myspace b/c of certain individuals taking what I say the wrong way and holding it over my head.

So YAY, I'm here, I have no idea what I'm doing...or how to do this, but I am sure that I will figure it out in the long run.